Deviation Actions
Back in the basement, Vernon and Carl are sitting and talking.
Vernon: (To Carl) What did you want to be when you were young?
Carl: When I was a kid, I wanted to be John Lennon...
Vernon: Carl don't be a goof! I'm trying to make a serious point here...I've been teaching, for twenty two years, and each year...these kids get more arrogant.
Carl: Aw bullshit, man. Come on, Vern, the kids haven't changed, you have! You took a teaching position, cause you'd thought it'd be fun, right? Thought you could have summer vacations off...and then you found out it was actually work...and that really bummed you out.
Vernon: These kids turned on me...they think I'm a big fucking joke...
Carl: Come on...listen Vern, if you were sixteen, what would you think of you, huh?
Vernon: Hey...Carl, do you think I give one rat's ass what these kids think of me?
Carl: Yeah I do...
Vernon: You think about this...when you get old, these kids; when I get old, they're gonna be runnin' the country.
Carl: Yeah?
Vernon: Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night...that when I get older, these kids are gonna take care of me...
Carl: I wouldn't count on it...
Vernon ponders that statement from Carl for a moment. Back in the library, everyone was sitting on the floor in a circle.
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Andrew: What would I do for a million bucks? Well, I guess I'd do as little as I have to...
Claire: That's boring...
Andrew: Well, how I'm supposed to answer?
Claire: The idea is to search your mind for the absolute limit. Like, uh, would you drive to school naked?
Andrew laughs.
Andrew: Um, uh...would I have to get out of the car?
Claire: Of course...
Andrew: In the spring, or winter?
Claire: It doesn't matter...spring...
Andrew: In front of the school or in back of the school?
Claire: Either one...
Andrew: Yes...
Bernia: (To everyone) Well, I haven't told anybody this before, so uh, I'm bisexual.
Everyone looks at her.
Bender: Really now, Vixen? So, you like chicks too?
Bernia: Yeah...there was one time that I had a made out with a black girl. We were both fifteen at the time.
Brian: Really? How was it?
Bernia: (Smiles and winks at Brian) So nice...very, very sensual...
Brian blushed at the thought of two girls having physical content.
Andrew: That's hot!
Bender: Hell yeah it is!
Claire shakes her head smiling.
Allison: I'd do that!
Everyone looks at her.
Allison: (To Claire) I'll do anything sexual, boy or girl, I don't need a million dollars to do it either...
Claire: You're lying...
Allison: I already have...I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal...
Bernia: Yeah?
Allison nods.
Allison: I'm a nymphomaniac!
Claire rolls her eyes.
Claire: Lie...
Bernia: (To Claire) Shut up!
Brian: (To Allison) Are your parents aware of this? I'm not judging, but, they should be worried about you.
Allison shakes her head.
Allison: Only person I ever told was my shrink...
Andrew: What'd he do when you told him?
Allison shrugs her shoulders.
Allison: Ne nailed me...
Awkward silence.
Claire: Very nice...
Bernia: Allison, wouldn't that be...you know...
Allison: I don't think from a legal standpoint what he did could be construed as rape since I paid him.
Claire: He's an adult!
Allison: Yeah...he's married too.
Claire notes her disgust.
Claire: Do you know how gross that is?
Allison: Well, the first few times...
Claire: First few times!? You mean you've done it more than once?
Allison: Sure...
Claire: Are you crazy?
Brian: Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing her shrink...
Bernia: (To Claire) Why does she have to be crazy? Maybe she was curious. (To Allison) Right Allison, you were only curious and curiosity caught you right?
Allison again smiles at Bernia and then turns her attention back to Claire.
Allison: (To Claire) Have you ever done it?
Claire: I don't even have a psychiatrist...
Allison: Have you ever done it with a normal person?
Claire: Didn't we already cover this?
Bender: (Breaking his silence) You never answered the question...
Claire: Look, I'm not going to discuss my private life with total strangers.
Bernia: Why? You didn't seem to have a problem asking Brian was he a pig, and he wasn't.
Claire: That was different...
Allison: It's kind of a double-edge sword, isn't it?
Claire: A what?
Allison: Well, if you say you haven't...you're a prude. If you say you have...you're a slut! It's a trap. You want to but you can't but when you do you wish you didn't, right?
Claire: (Half smiling) Wrong...
Allison: Or, are you a tease?
Claire's half smile falls quickly.
Andrew: She's a tease...
Bernia: Dead giveaway...
Claire: Oh why don't you guys just forget it?
Andrew: You're a tease and you know it, all girls are teases!
Bernia: Well, I know I am anyway...but for obviously one person.
Bernia looks at Brian again who hides his smile.
Brian: (To Bernia giggling) No doubt you're a tease!
Bernia giggles back.
Bender: Well, Claire's only a tease if what she does gets you hot...
Claire: I don't do anything!
Allison: That's why, you're a tease...
Claire: Okay, let me ask you a few questions.
Allison: (Grinning) I already told you everything!
Claire: No! Doesn't it bother to sleep around without being in love? I mean don't you want any respect?
Bernia: What the hell does she have to get respect for!?
Allison: I don't screw to get respect...That's the difference between you and me...
Claire: Not the only difference, I hope.
Bender: Face it, you're a tease.
Claire: I'm not a tease!
Bender: Sure you are! You said it yourself sex is a weapon, you use it to get respect!
Claire: No, I never said that, she twisted my words around!
Bender: Oh, then what do you use it for?
Claire: I don't use it period!
Bender: Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?
Claire: I didn't mean it that way! You guys are putting words into my mouth!
Bender: Well, if you just answer the question...
Brian: Why don't you answer the question?
Andrew: Be honest...
Bender: No big deal!
Bernia: Yeah, answer it!
Andrew: Answer the question, Claire!
Bender: Talk to us!
Andrew & Brian: Come on, answer the question!
Bender: It's easy, it's only one question!
Bernia: (Playfully screaming) ANSWER THE QUESTION!
Claire: NO! I NEVER DID IT!
Another awkward silence.
Bernia: Truth sets you free...
Claire: Whatever...
Allison: I never did it either, I'm not a nymphomaniac...I'm a compulsive liar...
Claire: You are such a bitch! You did that on purpose just to fuck me over!
Allison: But I would do it though...if you love someone then it's okay.
Claire: I can't believe you, you're so weird. You don't say anything all day and when you open your mouth...you unload all these tremendous lies all over me!
Bernia: Well, now you know what it's like right?
Claire: What are you talking about, Bernia?
Bernia: Yolanda Archibald? Your "friend" that made my life hell as well? I showed Brian a picture of how I used to look, I was just as much of a geek as any of Brian's friends. One day, she and her other friends who were also you're "friends", they kept fucking with me that they even nearly stripped me half naked in front of the entire school! Everyone saw my night clothes that I used to sleep with, they were as if they had been found in a slaughterhouse! Your fucking interchangeable, plastic, mannequin friends almost made me thought about ending it all! But because of my family, they kept me believing that I had a worth to live and not take the easy way out. That's why I hated you Claire Standish...And I probably will for the rest of my life!
It got silent for awhile and everyone let Bernia blow some steam. Brian moved beside her and wiped the tears from her eyes.
Claire: Well it's not my fault their like that! I mean what do you guys want from me?
Andrew: (To Claire) You're just still pissed at Allison because she got you to admit something you didn't wanna do!
Claire: Okay, fine, but that doesn't make it any less bizarre...
Andrew: What's bizarre? I mean we're all pretty bizarre! Some of us are just better at hiding it, that's all.
Claire gives him a look of non-believing.
Claire: (To Andrew) How are you bizarre?
He takes a while but Allison decides to field that question.
Allison: He can't think for himself...
Andrew: She's right...do you guys know what, uh, what I did to get in here?
Everyone shakes their heads.
Andrew: I tapped Larry Lester's buns together.
Claire laughs.
Brian: (To Andrew) That was you?
Andrew: (To Brian) Yeah, you know him?
Brian: Yeah, I know him.
Bernia looks at Brian and then back to Andrew.
Andrew: Well, then you know how hairy he is, right?
Bender gives a wide grin at this.
Andrew: Well, when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some, some skin too...
Claire: Oh my God...
Andrew: And the bizarre thing is, is that I did it for my old man...I tortured this poor kid, because I wanted him to think I was cool. He's always going off about, you know, when he was in school...all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right...So, I'm...I'm sitting in the locker room, and I'm taping up my knee. And Larry's undressing a couple of lockers down from me. Yeah...he's kinda...he's kinda skinny, weak. And I started thinking about my father, and his attitude about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I uh, I jumped on top of him and started wailing on him...And my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I was sittin' in Vernon's office, all I could think about was Larry's father. And Larry havin' to go home and...and explain what happen to him. And the humiliation...fucking humiliation he must've felt. It must've been unreal...I mean, (Starts to cry) I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way...it's all because of me and my old man. Oh God, I fucking hate him! He's like this...he's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore...
Allison looks at Andrew very silent, Bender has his head down in shame and Brian is holding his hand on his face because Larry is one of his close friends. Claire and Bernia felt tears well up in their eyes.
Andrew: (Imitating his father) "Andrew, you've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family...Your intensity is for shit! Win. Win! WIN!!!" (Back to himself) You son of a bitch! You know, sometimes, I wish my knee would give...and I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. He could for get all about me...
Bender: I think your old man and my old man should get together and go bowling.
Andrew laughs briefly at that. Brian takes his hand of his face and looks at Andrew.
